You try your best and God/Nature/Life does the rest. For example: When an ‘historic’ storm blows into the NW United States on your travel trailer rig’s departure date. Right now that storm’s battering Pacific City, Oregon, my hometown and first planned stop, with wind and rain. They even had two tornadoes up the coast in Manzanita, and tornadoes are not Oregonian. They are just not done. All this to say, we may have to revise the plan before we even really begin.
That’s adventure for you.
Last night I spent several soggy hours doing trailer prep, much of it for the first time and without the proper tools (favorite scenario). I figured that since I didn’t know the water tank’s recent history I should give it a good cleaning pre-launch. If everything else in the Pacific Northwest was getting flushed out, why make exceptions?
Humorous scenario #1: Rolling in the dark of night on a half-working creeper under your trailer in a record-setting rainstorm to find the low point drain locations, failing to do so, then exiting slowly and awkwardly from under the trailer as rain pummels your face. At least I had my trusty waterproof+rechargeable headlamp. I endorse it here with no expected compensation from its manufacturer: It’s this one.
Humorous scenario #2: A trip to Home Depot and its flooding parking lot to get the right socket to open the hot water tank, then a second trip to get the required 1/2″ driver. Exiting the store a second time, you note the white sedan halfway underwater in the parking lot. You drive a white sedan…
BUT NO! It’s not your car, it’s some other poor schmo’s. You win one.
I did eventually succeed in my mid-storm mission to flush the tanks. After I came in at 10, Sarah and I made a last few feeble efforts to pack, then collapsed. Whether to the Oregon Coast or not, we were determined to go somewhere on Saturday. Final packing would just have to wait for the morning of.
Waking on launch day to the sound of rain and the sight of our upended house, I thought of my son, Otis. I had a plan for him too. It involved hiking through the Oregon woods together, teaching him archery, video games – the boy stuff. We bought our current home with the intention of having more room for a family of four. Our family car, too. So many decisions based on our best plan – all upended in January of this year, when Otis died of seizure complications. He was 20 months old.
I want to share a little about my boy and who he was (and continues to be) to me.
Otis was full of love and enthusiasm for people in a way that strangers readily noticed. His big sister, Dorothy (now four) is very bright and focused on the mysterious world and how it works (plus making art and stories out of it – good girl). This is contrast to Otis, who was chiefly concerned with the world’s people. He was generous with smiles, greetings, toys, and kisses.
He didn’t have nearly as many words as Dorothy commanded at his age, but he had a startling sense for relationships. One of my favorite memories is of sitting and talking with him in the dark on our big bean bag in the early morning, waiting together for the world to wake up. We ‘hid’ under a blanket and he ran through lists of names this way: “Mimi, Papa (my mom and dad), Daddy son. Mama, Daddy, Otis son.” To be snuggled with him there, knowing from his simple words that he had a clear picture of his family – that was a universe-expanding pleasure.
In his general health and development, Otis was an ordinary boy. He had a total of three seizures in his life, two of them a month apart, but those two occurred almost a year before his last. After the first two events we put him on an anti-seizure med, Keppra. After putting him on Keppra, we saw no further signs of seizure activity. His neurologist was optimistic, and we hoped he was in the clear.
Five percent of young children experience seizures, many of them fever-related. Most of them grow up to lead ordinary, healthy lives. Even those with seizure disorders (which we could never prove Otis had) can see great, normalizing effects from a drug like Keppra. The night of Otis’s last seizure, Sarah, Dorothy, Otis, and I were at the dinner table together when it hit. We’d been through the shock twice, so we knew our action plan and followed it to the letter. The difference this time was that he aspirated some food, and in spite of my attempts at CPR, his heart stopped before the paramedics could arrive. They restarted his heart, but after a night in the hospital, the doctors determined that Otis had been without oxygen for too long. That morning someone showed us a little glass vial with the piece of macerated apple they took from near his collapsed lung. It was such a small thing to make such a difference.
We said goodbye to him in that hospital as they wheeled him away, strong little heart still beating, toward surgery. He chose to donate his organs to whomever could benefit. Hard as it was, we’re grateful we chose that path, as his body gave new life to two people. A fitting legacy for a boy who loved others so well.
It’s now nine months since that goodbye in the hospital. The difficult images are still with me, but they’ve dimmed some and are now in better balance with the joys I shared with Otis when he lived. We did hike the Oregon woods, even in his first week of life. We did play video games – or rather I did in the middle of the night while he slept next to me on the couch. And this week, I gave Dorothy her first archery lesson.
One of the many things Otis left me is a commitment to shared adventure: To pursue awe with Dorothy and Sarah and to love as best I can whoever I meet on my way. That’s a sort of manifesto for this trip of ours. Whether we head out today towards the wind-battered Oregon Coast or along a more serene inland path, we’re ready to step out and encounter God/Nature/Life, however it presents itself to us.
As soon as we finish packing.